The owner of the Music Palace is apparently so confident that he will get his licence that he is planning a ‘Special Guest’ to open his new venture.
Showing that we are not bitter, we have decide to help him out by suggesting a few candidates
1) Richard Timney (Jacqui Smith’s husband)
Maybe he could claim a private dance on expenses?
2) Peter Stringfellow
You just don’t get hair like that anymore – it’s beautiful
3) Freddy Shepherd
This lovely man was Newcastle United chairman, famous for being caught on a secret camera saying “Me, I like blondes, big bust, good legs. I don’t like coloured girls. I want a lesbian show with handcuffs…” He is a business man, though.
And here is a list of who will NOT be invited
1) Hugh Grant
The 1995 version of Hugh will maybe have been attracted to Tottenham Lane’s forthcoming prostitutes (Haringey have confirmed that lap dance bars can attract prostitutes, so forget about suing us) but the 2009 version seems to have got his act together, and even acts occasionally these days
2) Boris Johnson
‘BJ’ would unfortunatly fail the Music Palace strict dress code
3) Any resident from Crouch End, or any shop owner. Or anybody who has had sex with a consenting partner in the last 10 years.